In the seesaw of life, there are always two, basic ways to look at any challenging event. I’ve never been much of a glass half-empty person, nor do I believe that it serves any Jedi-licous purpose. So when something is brought to my attention that sounds like “the end of DAYS” type drivel…I try to find the all NIGHT party, and begin to think about girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes; snowflakes that stays on their nose and eyelashes; silver white winters their hotness melts into springs; These are a few of my favorite things…I simply remember my favorite things and then I don’t feel so bad. Whoa, slight tangent.
So anyways, a female friend and I were comparing dating notes and our latest courting jaunts. But the moment I asked how it was going for her, she became visibly frustrated and muttered, “Terrible.” I know she had gone out with a few different fellas in the last few weeks, but with that response I imagined a Grand-Central-Station-triple-train-wreck-pile-up with Tara Reid, Lindsay Lohan and Brittany Spears engineering the controls.
“Wow, that bad?” I inquired. Thinking her dates must have been some form of Neanderthal cave donkeys with the charm of a Porta-Potty, or the personalities of catatonic mimes. Maybe a guy ripped one during dinner at Spago, only after tossing a breadstick at the garcon, while shouting for another double-shot of Patron?
With her head hung, she went on: “They are all great guys but they just aren’t interested! All they want to do is… work out with me. I mean, they are super nice, good looking, successful, smart and have their heads on straight; but they all just seem to want to keep me in the ‘friend’ category.”
I took a second to process what she just said… and then got a little irritated. “Why are you hopping the train to negative town? Girl, you just described dating! And from what you told me, that’s good dating! It doesn’t matter if you go on one date a month or several a week, most people would just be happy to have that experience of having a positive date period; and you’ve had several. Your experiences just prove that there are good guys out there… and you are finding them.”
After this exchange, it dawned on me how often I hear that dating sucks. I figure for those looking to settle down, any date that doesn’t end in a serious relationship can, perhaps, be technically labeled a failure. However, I think that label can’t be further from the truth. Each date gives us the opportunity get to know someone new and learn about what we want and don’t want. Most importantly, we get the chance to better know ourselves — and the better we know ourselves, the greater our chances for long term success and happiness… whether that is in a relationship or not.
Dating only sucks if you choose it to. Sure, there are bad dates and good ones. It sucks when a date with someone you’ve been hard-court pressing for a year turns out to be a complete hot mess; or you have a great date with someone who has all the makings of “The One” on paper, but that real world chemistry just isn’t there. Sometimes, you’re just not into them and it sucks for them… and sometimes they’re just not that into you and it sucks for you. Take it for what it is…a learning experience and emotional, anabolic fuel. The label I choose to put on my dates, both good AND bad, is the following: have no opportunity lost.